Look at this beautiful girl. Look at those eyes... that is their natural color... I think they call that corn flower.
Her soft golden hair and her sweet face.
She is smart and feisty and funny and even though you might not realize it, she notices you.
If she is talking to you, she is not thinking about herself, she is thinking about you.
So when you see her next to her wild haired sister, please remember her.
Remember as you comment on how awesome that beautiful afro is, that there is another little girl standing there with out honey blonde fire shooting from her head...
and that she is beautiful too.
Please tell her.
So that she knows she is not invisible.
Tell her so that she knows you notice her, the way she notices you.
Tell her so that my girls can grow up knowing that even though they look so different, they are both beautiful.
Because Havah feels just fine about her hair.
She doesn't need anyone to tell her it's "better than straight hair".
And every time someone does, it just breaks my sweet Lilly's heart a little bit more.
Debra laments that Royle has such straight hair. I saw he(and Lilly) are lucky. Yeah, you have the novelty of an Aryan Afro. But ask Havah how much fun getting her hair brushed is. As Cori or Beau or myself can tell you, this glorious freeakshow of a hairdo ain't always all other people make it out to be. Hopefully Lilly and Havah will never have to experience facial shaving, but it makes it worse, havign curly hair. Or when you just want ot be able to style your hair: to have more choice than picked out or not. It sucks. She'll see soemday. Then she'll know that people who say curly hair is better than straight hair have no idea what they are talking about.
ReplyDeleteWell Said Brig! I have really straight hair and so do two of my girls. My oldest daughter has light curly hair, and let me tell you it is a pain try to keep. Up.
ReplyDeleteLilly, Straight hair is so much easier! And you are so beautiful with it!
We love all of you!
I hope we can see you guys soon!
Kari - this hit home for me so much! I HATED ny sister Andrea growing up, and I realize now it wasnt because of who she was but because she was what I wasnt. I was the 'Lilly' in the family. No, Andrea didnt have 'honey blonde fire' (love that description btw), but I cant even begin to count how many times she was called a 'sunshine girl' while I was simply overlooked. Besides her blonde hair standing out much more than my plain light brown, her personality was - IS - so vibrant and outgoing and everything that this painfully shy little (and now big) girl wanted so desperately to be. EVERYONE knew exactly who Andrea was...I was lucky if they even knew I was an Elliott, let alone my first name.
ReplyDeleteThankfully, I grew up enough to realize that it wasnt her fault, and now we're good friends like sisters should always be. This post reminded me that I need to be careful with my kids - its hard not to fall in love with Maddy and Henry's startling blue eyes, but everyone always seems to overlook John's plain brown ones. And if Elenor keeps on looking so much like an Elliott, then we might be in the same boat between her and Maddy.
Tell Lilly I think her hair is absolutely beautiful - its pretty much exactly what I wished I had growing up.
The tough thing about being a sister, and having a sister, is that especially when you are young, having something so obviously and noticeably unique about one sister, tends to draw attention away from the other, for better or worse, positive or negative.
ReplyDeleteLilly's experience has nothing to do with if curly hair is better or worse. I was the tall sister with mousy brown hair and my sister was short with gorgeous flowing blonde. There were times that I got called out for being so tall, and also awkward, and times she got called out for her hair, and also being overweight.
I think Lilly's experience is an important reminder that different is just different and as humans we tend to call out and focus on the surface differences when we would be better served to appreciate the deeper beautiful aspects of all people.
Lilly and Havah give us an opportunity to see quite clearly the painful aspects of being overlooked and compared based on aspects of self that are beyone one's control. And, they give us the chance to immediately be rewarded with the joy in a child's eyes when we remember to think of every person with love and kindness, focusing on the things that matter.
Sweet little Lilly. She IS so beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThank you for reminding us how words effect. There are many "Lily"s.
ReplyDeleteIt is fascinating how different your two girls are, you were right when you wrote how strong genes you and Cori have. It is lovely how much these sisters love one another. Thank you for being a wonderful mother. I love you